Sunday, April 29, 2007

Horrible dreams...was someone smoking weed outside my window last night?

My dream last night scared me so much that I didn't go down to the theater today as planned for a violin concert at the Theatro Municipal. It was the backdrop for the bizarre dreamworld events that follow:

***
I had gone down to Cinelândia early, so that I wouldn't miss a chance to buy tickets. Since they're so cheap, only R$1, seats sell out quickly. It was about six in the morning but still quite dark outside, and there were two lines of men on either side of the alley that houses the bilhetaria (ticket office). I asked the man at the end of the line if they'd started selling tickets yet.
"They start at 4:00 am."
"Oh, good, because it's six now..." and as I move past him towards the glass door, he stops me...
"Look, out there!"
And for a fraction of a second, I turn my head, before realizing this is a classic ploy to distract my attention. My head snaps back around and I look him full in the face. Encarando...daring him to do something. It is obvious that no one wants me to go to the ticket office...and they're willing to impede my way. So we start talking, and they morph into big, punky street boys, who don't want to tell me their real names. One is nicknamed "Medo." Fear. I refuse to accept this and pressure him for his real name, which is Francisco something-or-other...and I berate them for having robbed a friend of mine the night before. They become all sheepish and try to change the subject. We stay in this mode for a while and then I find myself by the glass doors. The doorman is the only person in the place, and in spite of the crowd's mocking that I'll never get in, he opens the doors and escorts me in as if I were a VIP, whisking me off to the roof, talking all the while as if we were friends from childhood. He is cute and yet somehow irreconcilably deformed, and when we arrive at the top floor, my sleepy mind can't help but make Hunchback of Notre Dame correlations. He steps out to the very edge of the flat roof; I, afraid of heights, slip by on my belly and poke my nose out to watch the commotions in the square below. The groups of men look like soldiers preparing for gang warfare. Going back inside, the green mermaid-ish statue on the far wall winks at me, trying to initiate a conversation. The doorman reminds her gently that I don' t want to end up like her...

We exit the ticket office and I'm suddenly with Rich and Rebecca and Ben, wandering around the city waiting for the street kids, taking them to creepy cafeterias with security cameras on the walls, mansions with the possibility of secret rooms, and waiting in vain for something big to happen. There are so many people, all crowding crowding crowding, wanting things and pushing...babies crying...the oppression and danger so real that waking, I find my shoulders tied in an intricacy of knots...my mind confused, from a dream so tinged with reality that I feel tainted and stay grumpy for hours, not having the means to take a shower and wash away such a vividly haunting memory...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Maybe it was something you ate before going to bed. Did you take a sleeping pill before bed? I have crazy dreams when I go to the hospital, and they wake me up at 11:00 to give me a sleeping pill.I'm going to try and get a group together on Thursday night here or at church to have you tell us about your work. That will be June14th. I'm also planning to do the Canopy Tour, a swing through the trees on zip lines for my birthday, or near my birthday, are you game. They provide a harness and helmet. It sure looks fun to me. Nancy wants to go and maybe some of her kids. If you are game, we will wait until you get here, if not, we may go sooner. Love, Grammy