After years of ignoring my doctors’ suggestions to get regular exercise…

Moving to this area of town has finally prompted me to do something that’s been on my to-do list for longer than I can remember. Last week, I joined a gym. I was waiting, you see, for something that was within walking distance and had air-conditioning. Imagine aerobics in 104 degree heat. I don’t need to pay for that…I can just sit in my front room in the summer and get the same effects…

I am the sort of undisciplined person who cannot start slowly and work my way up. If I’m going to do something, it’s got to be both feet first and no turning back. So last week, I plopped down six months of membership fees at the only gym around that is both air-conditioned and five minutes from my front door.

Brazilian gyms are great because there are so many personal trainers hanging around – lazy people like me can’t get into trouble because there’s always someone to say, “Hey, stand up straight! Lift with your legs…don’t bend your wrists…do it right or I’ll make you do 20 more!” When I went in for my evaluation, the guy took all my measurements, squeezed me with the fat calipers (cold, evil mental and physical torture devices) and then asked me what my goals were.

“I dunno. Get in shape?” Which prompted him to be more specific. “Aesthetic goals????”

Gee. I can HAVE those?

I told him I wanted to look like a Brazilian woman.

We are now working heavily on the lower half of the body…who knew there were so many exercises for the gluteus maximus!

The trainers laughed at me when I told them it had been something like five years since I'd had regular, consistent exercise.

"Take it easy..you're going to want to curse in the mornings for a couple of days..."

Gentlemen, I'm prepared for cursing. I fully expect this month to be the most painful one of my life, as I adjust to waking up at six am...feeling like I've been run over by a subway train.

I’m in the weight room Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday…and currently testing out a spinning class Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Spinning is like an out-of-body experience. They play this pumped up mix of classics (Eye of the Tiger, among others) and shout at us to go faster…and somehow, the body obeys…

It's a very contemplative experience, actually.

My favorite, today, when I was starting to wonder if I would ever be able to walk again, was this instrumental electronica that suddenly spliced into a man’s voice saying, in English, “Whoever believes in me will not perish but have everlasting life…”

Amen.

Like I said, contemplative. I'm having fun. Who knew?!