So a couple weeks ago I ate a whole cheesecake, more or less. My cholesterol went up, I’m sure, but I didn’t gain an ounce. In fact, I’ve lost even more weight. Ten to fifteen pounds since Christmas. Without trying. Now, I’m lazy. I hate exercise. And I like eating. So that leaves me just one option:
I’ve wondered for a while, but didn’t have what I assumed were typical worm symptoms. Until this morning when I found a pink wiggly on the shower floor. I had a mild panic attack, which brought back nasty memories of cleaning pig pens at the county fair...and then killed the offending creature. With shower cleaner, which must have hurt. Then I did some research. Of course. According to the “Where There is No Doctor” book, I have either whip or hookworms.
Sidenote: How do people live without this necessary tome? It covers everything from parasite infections to treating leprosy, nutrition, and informational tips like: “If you have a little money and want to help your child grow strong: do not buy him a soft drink or sweets-buy him 2 eggs or a handful of nuts.” To the side of this gem are hand drawn pictures of a NO CocaCola bottle and a YES egg and potato. Another one of my favorites is a cartoon with two frames. The first frame is of a graveyard with fifty crosses. The second frame is blank except for one cross. The text reads:
“Of 15,000 women who become pregnant, this many are likely to die from problems of pregnancy or childbirth (frame one). Of 15,000 women who take birth control pills, only 1 is likely to die from problems related to having taken the pills (frame 2). Conclusion: IT IS MUCH SAFER TO TAKE THE PILL THAN TO BECOME PREGNANT.”
Why do I think that somehow the message isn’t quite what they were going for???
Anyhow, when you’re sure you have worms, what’s the best thing to do? Well, I tried the mom approach and called a general practitioner. It seems all the doctors are on Carnaval vacation or recovering from hangovers...so that option is out. I’m losing weight because of the little buggers, so I might as well take advantage of them.
I’m baking cookies today. Chocolate chip batter (sans chocolate chips; I’m saving them for a special day) with pecans and cranberries. And maybe, if I feel nice, I’ll share them. But maybe I’ll just eat the whole batch myself.
Dang it, I deserve at least that much :)