An Abbreviated Transcript of My Rage

After three minutes of explaining to the virtual operator that I needed to speak to a real person...

Telemar: I can’t hear you very well...bad connection.
Jenna: That’s because I’m on a cellphone, my only contact with the outside worls, because my phone has been out since the 11th. Yes there was a shootout. I know that, I spent the night sleeping on the floor. But the shootout is irrelevant because my phone started working again two days later and then went dead again. Perhaps it was a miracle? I want someone to come check my line like you’ve been promising me for a week. Are you listening to me??? I know there was gunfire and that it damaged the lines. But my phone WORKED after that, at least for one phone call. No, I can’t hear you. I’m putting the mouthpiece right to my mouth and you’re going to have to listen to everything I want to say to you until I’m finished. Pay attention...what I want is for a Telemar guy to come to my house and check my phone line. Send someone, anyone, in Telemar clothing who even looks like they know something about phones, and I’ll be satisfied.,..
Telemar: Okay, Ms. Jenna...
Jenna: Okay? Okay what? I’ve worked in telemarketing too, and I know that okay is not the same thing as a yes. You tell me exactly what I want to hear or send me to a supervisor, because you’ve been telling me every day that tomorrow is the magical day. Guess what? I don’t want to call you again...but I know I will be. This is ridiculous. You have today, and only today, to fix my phone. After today, I’m taking all the paperwork and names and numbers that I’ve been acquiring in the past week and a half and I’m going to take them to my attorney and we’re going to sue you. And I’ll win. You know why? It’s not just because you’re lying to me each and every day that I call. It’s because in addition to charging me for this month, as you most surely will do, you’re not going to reimburse me for the money I’ve had to shell out in cellphone calls while I wait for my telephone to be fixed, or the money I’m wasting at internet cafés. My business is in my home. Are you willing to pay me for the lost time? I thought not. So just do your jobs and do what you’ve been promising you’ll do ever since the 12th and send someone over here to look at my phone line....What’s that? Your workers aren’t permitted to work in the favela? It’s a risk zone? Well then WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THERE A TELEMAR GUY WALKING PAST MY HOUSE RIGHT THIS SECOND?????

Somehow, I think it was after I shouted at the technician through my window grating to please, please come fix my phone line and insinuated that someone was lying to someone, that they transferred me to Adriana, the Calming Angry Clients Supervisor.

She promised me that someone would come to my house today. And then Erica called me, on my land line and I though, Praise the Lord! And then the phone went dead. Well, at least I can call and complain again. But it’s doing a number on my blood pressure, though the neighbors are finding it highly amusing to see me get all hoity-toity nasty. It doesn’t help matters to curse at the poor operators, (which I don’t do, by the way, having previously been a telemarketer), but threatening to take them to court (which they actually WILL lose) and harassing them until they do their jobs really seems to work. Harassment in this sense isn’t necessarily bad. Big company operators are recorded, so they learn to play verbal games with people, never really promising anything, trying to placate you before you realize that they haven’t done anything about the situation and are not planning on doing anything either. I’m getting good at the games too, though. Poor Telemar operators. At the end of each exchange, I wish them a good day and offer my hope that they won’t encounter any more clients such as myself. But with their track record, that’s a pipe dream!

(That was Thursday. Today, Monday, I got to speak to Adriana again...and now have my technician's cell phone number. The phone worked long enough for my mother to call internationally and be assured that I'm alive and safe. Then it went dead again. I guess I should be happy with small miracles...)