Sunday, January 16, 2011

Don't rejoice yet, homeschoolers of America!

Yahoo "news" is a constant source of entertainment. For example, take today's big news from Las Vegas, City of Sin. Miss Nebraska has been crowned Miss America 2011. She's an attractive, looks-much-older-than-her-17-years blond bombshell who is planning to attend Patrick Henry College to study politics. Incoherent answers to the questions and a hideous musical choice (Chopsticks? That was the best you could come up with? Yes, there are clever rolled left hand chords look and a cool hand slide. But it's still CHOPSTICKS!) make me embarrassed to relate that we have something in common.

Homeschooling. And conservative Christian colleges.

If Patrick Henry College had been around when I was a kid my parents surely would have added them to the threat list of schools I would be attending if I misbehaved. Right up there with Pensacola Christian and Bob Jones. It's a seriously conservative college, just 11 years old, where the student handbook states things like:

Social Profile of a Patrick Henry College Graduate #3:

"Have a winsome appearance, dressed and groomed appropriately in professional and social circumstances."

Biblical and community standards:

#8: "Students will dress modestly out of consideration for one another. Also, students will not dress in a way that will cause others to mistake them for a member of the other sex." (PHC, wisely, doesn't publish their dress code standards, making it difficult for the internet to make fun of them. Bravo, PHC.)

#9 "Students will not advocate non-Biblical sexual practices...(Supporting a
candidate for public office who advocates such practices does not in itself constitute the advocacy of such practices.)" (phew...think of how much more homework PHC students would have to do pre-voting if this clause wasn't in there!)

(And one of my favorites) "Students will refrain from all social dancing on the campus out of consideration for those who are uncomfortable in the presence of dancing." I wonder if this "consideration for the uncomfortable" can extend to other things as well? For example, I am VERY offended and uncomfortable in the presence of mustard yellow. Can that color be banned on campus?

I'm reminded of my own college days, reading through this handbook. And that's why I would like to suggest that Miss America take the scholarship money and look somewhere else for those four formative years of her life. Small Christian colleges don't take kindly to bikini revelations on public television...and probably won't be too impressed by her participation in the group dance numbers. Beware, Miss America. You're about to be the pariah of the school. And a freshman, at that!


--jenna said...

BTW, I love the usage of the word "winsome" as a descriptor of the student body in general. :)

Эми said...

Does anyone else find it funny that Patrick Henry University is also one of the the last places with freedom of speech in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged?

anne said...

the whole thing is tiresome. NOT winsome.
And yeh, she looked way older than 17...
not sure why she won, exactly....

I went to a small quaker school. Where everyone was welcomed, regardless of how odd, un-winsome, etc they were. At least, on paper all were welcomed. You always have someone who messes w/that welcoming thing. Always.

Anonymous said...

The Bob Jones thing is a hand-me-down quote from MY parents...if we didn't shape up it was off to a local Christian academy and then on to BJU. Like you, I behaved and avoided the place. However, our neighbors had some of the funniest stories to share about their time there, remember? -Mom